- "Self-rejection is a form of bondage that causes you to project these feelings on others that they didn't feel them at all." (Self-rejection, and all the so-called feelings associated with it, would be better defined (Biblically) as one's sinful response to ones circumstances and/or sin against him.)
- Uses Col. 1:21,22 as proof-text for this message and the thesis that people who suffer from feelings of self-rejection, "suffer from a very painful form of bondage."
- "People in self-rejection syndrome have chronic feelings of unworthiness."
- "Rejection is a form of control, manipulation, and domination; when someone needs acceptance and we deprive them of that, we are controlling, manipulating, and dominating them." (The Bible, of course, knows nothing of this "need for acceptance;" its source in humanistic psychology.)
- Stanley's bottom line is that "people who suffer from self-rejection are willing to base their self-worth on opinion of others rather than on relationship to God."
- "Dominating thought of person feeling self-rejection is this: 'I must please these people in order to feel good about myself.'"
- Characteristics of people feeling self-rejection:
- Overemphasis on dress (a self-image problem)
- Difficult time trusting God
- Difficult time loving others/being loved by others (psychic determinism/childhood hurts)
- Critical spirit
- Feelings of inferiority/inadequacy
- Perfectionism ("I must be perfect to feel good about myself; arrogance and pride feelings are really cover-ups for insecurity.")
- Easily hurt
- Suspicious of others actions
- Self-isolation (that way, the only one that rejects them is themselves)
- Depression (because you failed your expectations)
- Self-verification (of their worthiness/self-worth)
- Sensual fantasies (not a matter of sexual morality, it's a matter of acceptance)
- Domineering the circumstances
The above list should actually be labeled "sinful responses of people claiming self-rejection." The above items in the list have
no Biblical basis. Their roots are instead Rogerian/behavioristic psychology and
Freudian psychic determinism.
- "So what if someone else rejects you, your self-worth is not based on that individual's opinion, but on God's."
- Causes of self-rejection: (This scenario completely ignores an individual's responsibility for sinful responses to ones circumstances and/or to sinful actions against them.)
- Early in life deformity
- Deep emotional hurt from past childhood [psychic determinism]
- Death of a parent ("Daddy died because he didn't love me" feelings.)
- Abandonment ("You create awesome feelings of rejection that will go with that family the rest of their life, and you will be the ultimate reason for it.")
- Child abuse
- Guilt feelings from past sins/mistakes
- Criticism from other people
- According to Stanley, three feelings needed for one to be emotionally healthy:
(a) Feelings of belonging
(b) Feelings of worthiness
(c) Feelings of competence
- Self-worth should be based upon what God says, which according to Stanley is, "I have a sense of
-- Jesus died for
me; I have a sense of competence -- the Holy Spirit is working in me" (complete failure to recognize that Christ died for us, not
because of our great worth, but because of our great sin!).
- Stanley's three steps to overcoming self-rejection:
(a) Identify the feelings of rejection
(b) Reject the feelings of rejection (based on God having said, "I'm worthy ")
(c) Affirm the following: (sounds a little like positive confession)
(1) "Father, I thank you that I am unconditionally loved"
(2) "I am completely forgiven"
(3) "I am totally accepted"
(4) "I am complete in Christ"